This piece was written in the spring of 2010. My dad has been gone from this earth now two years. I miss him, his voice, his handwriting, his jokes, his funky shorts and wild shirts half-way buttoned up, his telling me that he and mom were praying for me or that they were proud of me. I miss his instructions – better known as lectures! I regret that I did not tell him more often how much he meant to me, that I loved him or how much I appreciated all the sacrifices he made in order that I had food, clothing ,and a warm house to live in. I regret not telling him that all the spankings he gave me- more than my siblings- paid off. They molded and shaped me into the woman I am today. I knew he loved me because he was willing to discipline me. I regret not having hugged him one more time before leaving his hospital bed. I miss him!
From January through May of this year, I spent just about every other weekend making the 3½ hour drive from Memphis to Nashville. I was going to spend the time with my dad who was suffering from pancreatic cancer metastasized in his lungs. I also went, in order to give my mom and sister some relief from the responsibility of caring for him. Typical of my dad, the professor, most of our conversations those many weekends were instructive in nature. I realize now, I should have been taking notes, but it is too late. My dad died on May 13th, just five days after his 75th birthday.
On occasion over those times together he would get a little somber and serious, leaving the instructive mode behind. Somber and serious was new territory for my dad; he was either in professor mode or he was being a real cut-up. It was in those solemn moments he would express his fear of dying and the heartache he felt in knowing he would be leaving his family behind. During our conversation one Saturday, he made the statement, “I have no regrets; if I had life to live over I would not change a thing.” Perhaps he really felt that way, but I could think of several regrets I had for him.
It was the late ‘60s and I was in 7th grade. Long straight hair was popular and I had always wanted long straight hair. So, in an attempt to be one of the hip girls I was growing my hair out, which meant the bangs, too. My dad found the scraggly bangs in my eyes very irritating, especially at the dinner table, so he said to me, “If you come to dinner one more time with your hair in your eyes, I will cut them off.” One evening, I was hurriedly trying to get to dinner on time and forgot to get the bobby pin necessary to hold back those scraggly bangs. As I bowed my head to pray before dinner, the hair fell right across my eyes; I knew I was in trouble! Dad snatched me up (after the prayer, of course), and we headed to the bathroom. Scissors in hand he whacked my bangs just below my hair line, devastating to a 7th grader. As I look back, my dad might not have regretted that, but with school pictures just a few weeks away, I certainly did!
In my own life, I cannot say that I have no regrets and that if I had it all to do over again I wouldn’t change a thing. For me, there is the regret of not coming to know Christ as my Lord and Savior earlier in life. I regret not knowing the importance of God’s Word and hiding it in my heart at a young age. Then the regret of words spoken that have pierced the heart of those I love- words I cannot take back. There is the regret of choosing busyness and activity instead of timewith my girls as they were growing up. Oh, how I regret the many poor choices I’ve made. Then there is the regret of thinking I deserved certain things in life, instead of asking God what He wanted for me. If only I hadn’t been so self-centered, I would have had more children; that will always be a huge regret for me. Wasted hours- I regret those because my time could have been invested in things that mattered instead of so many things that didn’t. Regrets, I have a few!
I was thinking of those in the Bible who might possibly have had regrets. Did Jonah regret running from God’s call and taking the boat to Tarsus? Do you think Aaron regretted building the golden calf and joining in when the children of Israel worshipped it? Did Peter regret denying Christ three times? There is only one man who has ever walked this earth who had absolutely no regrets and his name is JESUS. If He had it all to do over again, He would not change a thing. What He did, He did for you and me. He would be pierced, suffer and die upon that cross over and over again, if need be. But, He only had to die once, and that once was for all– for all time and for all people.
If I could go back and live life over again, yes, I would do some things much differently. But, like my husband has said, “There are no do overs in this life, there is only today.” I have to ask myself, what am I going to do with today? How can I live, so that I won’t have any regrets? How can I be pleasing to my Heavenly Father today?
Regrets, I have a few!
Father, with you there are no regrets! Thank you that You draw us to You. Help me to hear Your voice daily, to obey You, to seek You and to live a life that reflects You. In this life I have had a few regrets, but I have never regretted giving my heart and life to you, the One who gave His life for me.
Colossians 3:1-4, “Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on the earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.”
Colossians 3:17, “Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.”
dianne