I want to be honest in telling you that I have spent the past several weeks struggling and praying over starting a blog. I know that although people have more modern conveniences than ever before, they have less time. I also know that people have little patience for listening to anything longer than two minutes or for reading more than five hundred words.

We are daily inundated with things to listen to and read. So, what makes this blog any different from all the other blogs out there? I’m not sure! Since I do not read blogs, I honestly cannot make a comparison. All I know is that in my praying and times of struggle as to why or if I should do this—God said, “Write.” So, I am writing.

What I am hoping you will glean from the two posts a month is spiritual and emotional encouragement, strength, and hope. I also want you to realize that no matter what your circumstances, you need to stop to laugh and to enjoy life.

Some of you might know the story God has chosen to write with my life these past ten years but some of you do not. Ten years is a long time, and needless to say, I am sure you do not have the time to sit and read all about it. However, so you will not be in the dark as you read some of my post, I want to share briefly what this ten years has held.

My husband, Mark, left the business world after twenty-two years and entered full-time vocational ministry as the Executive Pastor of our church in 1996. After eleven years, we both felt the Lord telling us that it was time to step down. In our last two years, the church went through a very difficult transition and things had gotten very stressful for Mark. As the Executive Pastor, much of the issues fell to him. By the end of the two years, he was exhausted. So, in May 2007, we obeyed and stepped down. Mark immediately began to seek out secular and ministry jobs—but no door opened.

In September, he was scheduled for a yearly physical. As Mark was leaving, he mentioned to his doctor that he had noticed a few balance issues when running and negotiating stairs. His physician scheduled a CT Scan. The results were shocking for us. He was diagnosed with Cerebellum Atrophy, a pre-mature shrinking of the cerebellum at the base of the brain. This would lead to balance issues and difficulty with speech—thus leaving him disabled. Mark immediately fell into a nine-month depression. His physician said due to the stress of the previous two years and his diagnosis, he was depleted of serotonin. You might have known what serotonin is—but I was clueless. God quickly reminded me that He created everything in balance and when something gets out of balance it can be devastating to our bodies.

Even in the midst of nine dark months, Mark continued to seek employment. He had worked since the age of fifteen, so being unemployed was a strange and hard place for him. In the summer of 2008, no job had opened up and we began to realize that we would need to sell our home. In the midst of putting the house on the market, God opened a door for us to go to Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. The Lord provided all the funds we needed to go. Our hope, well my hope, was that there had been a mistake—a misdiagnosis. After a week of rigorous testing, we discovered that not only did Mark have Cerebellum Atrophy, but our doctor believed he had an even more extensive disease called Multiple Systems Atrophy. We were told this disease was debilitating and would ultimately take Mark’s life. As we were leaving after the diagnosis, I remember the doctor’s words so clearly, “Go home and live a normal life.” Right!!!

To make a ten-year story shorter, we sold our home with only two weeks to pack up and find a place to live. God provided a rental—the first of five over five and a half years. For the first time since we married, we had no job, no salary, no insurance, no retirement, no home and no hope of a future together. We ended up going without an income for 2 years before applying for disability. God has taken care of us in amazing ways.

Mark is now on hospice. Although watching his decline has been painful, I am very thankful for these ten years. I am grateful for all God has revealed to me of His character and goodness. He has put up with a lot from me: anger, self-pity, fits of rage, buckets of tears, nights of asking why, doubt, fear, and envy of those whose lives seem so normal. I was so resistant to surrendering to the way in which God desired to write my life story—which was nothing like I had wanted it written. Thankfully, God does not give us a choice! He knows best.

Early on in this journey, Mark would say to me, “Dianne, you know Romans 8:28 is true. God will work all this together for our good and His glory.” That was not what I wanted to hear—nor could I ever, at that point, see it possibly happening. But guess what? Romans 8:28 is true. God has worked this life story together for our good and for His glory!

This blog will be a conglomeration of previously written pieces which God has given me along this journey, writings of current struggles and victories, and just a little bit of life amidst heartache and pain. I pray the posts will make you laugh, allow you to shed much needed tears and help you trust God and His ability to write your story for your good and His glory! See you in a couple of weeks!

Dianne