When I first laid eyes on him he was playing the guitar in a Christian music group called the Encounters. My goodness he was so cute with his long sun-bleached blonde hair, Florida tan, freshly polished shoes, and wearing the latest fashion. At first, I observed him from a distance not allowing anyone to know how attracted I was to him. It seemed that every time I saw him he had a girl on his arm- a college girl! I figured that there was absolutely no way a junior in college would ever consider dating a fifteen year old, but down deep I kept dreaming that one day it might be possible.
It just so happened that my “one day” came when my sister began to date his best friend. Through her and his friend I managed to get the word to Mark that I was interested in him. He began to take notice of me at the basketball games and one night after a game, he asked me out for a coke and offered to give me a ride home- I accepted! The day I had dreamed of had come.
Our fist date was to dinner and a Christian concert. All that day I was extremely nervous. I was concerned that he would find me too immature – too young to date. He arrived dressed to the hilt, shoes shined and car washed. We had a great time and when he brought me home he declined my invitation to come in, but the evening was everything I dreamed it would be.
We began to date and he was patient with my immaturity! I struggled with self-confidence, especially around his college friends. After several weeks of dating, we were talking one night and the subject of age came up. He discovered that night that I was only fifteen years old, that took him back a little. My sister and I were fifteen months apart and it just so happened that she graduated from high school a year early, so he assumed that she was nineteen and that I was eighteen. He thought I was a senior in high school, not fifteen and just a sophomore. He struggled with telling his “college” friends that he was dating a fifteen year old, a high school sophomore, and under legal age, I might add! I think he broke up three different times before he decided we were meant to be together. My dreams had come true!
We dated for two years, and in the fall before Mark was to graduate, we began to discuss options for our future. We could continue to date and live apart while he attended graduate school or I could double up on my class load and graduate a year early, enabling us to get married that coming summer after his graduation from college. We opted for the later, not wanting to be apart. My parents agreed and gave their blessing with one stipulation – I had to continue my education and graduate from college. We agreed and proceeded to make wedding plans.
I’d like to say that our wedding was everything I’d ever dreamed it would be, but to be honest, I had never really dreamed about my wedding. Perhaps that came with being so young. We got married on Thursday, July 19th, 1973. Who actually plans their wedding on a Thursday night? Our photographer forgot about the wedding and arrived as I was preparing to walk down the aisle on my dad’s arm. Our florist used mostly silk flowers when we paid for cut flowers, our wedding cake was purchased from the local grocery store bakery, my dress was made by my grandmother, my veil was rented and I wore footie’s due to the fact that Mark and I were the same height. With a wedding like that the odds were against us! The comedy of our wedding has given us some great laughs over these years.
This past Friday we celebrated forty years of marriage. The day was like any other day, accept that we had a 5:30 dinner reservation at a nice restaurant, where we had been given a gift certificate from a friend. All day long I struggled against the spirit of sadness. It was not at all what I dreamed our fortieth would be. I drove us to dinner, we parked in the special handicap parking space close to the front door; I got his walker out of the car for him and helped him into the restaurant. During dinner I cut his lettuce wedge for him and listened more intently than ever due to the affect his condition has had on his speech. As we finished our meal, I retrieved his walker, helped him to the car, and drove us home. Not all what I dreamed our fortieth would be when I was younger.
As I climbed into bed that night, God began to bring to mind a young lady in Florida who lost her husband to cancer this year. I was certain she had dreamed of celebrating their next anniversary but now was unable to because he was gone. Then I thought about a young lady whose husband recently committed suicide and how she certainly must have dreamed of celebrating their fourth anniversary this year but due to his desperate act they will never have that opportunity. In thinking of these, and so many others I know who must have had dreams of celebrating anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays with those they loved, but cannot because those loved ones are no longer with them, I became very thankful that Mark is here to celebrate with – even if it the celebration was not at all what I had dreamed it would be.
Father, I will never understand the “why” of what you have allowed in our lives, but I will always be able to rest in knowing that You are here in the midst of it. I have wrestled with so many emotions- anger, disappointment, heartache, loneliness, pain, loss of intimacy, and grief. But with the Holy Spirit’s help, You have enabled me to have peace in the midst of such great pain, heartache, and loss. Over these past six years, there’s been the loss of so many things I treasured, but in exchange there’s been such great and victorious gain as You have worked all this together for our good and Your glory. Thank you for forty years with a man dedicated to You, a man who loves You and Your word- treasuring it in his heart. Thank you for a man who has desired in his heart to be obedient to You, listening intently to Your voice and following at Your request. Thank you for a man who has loved me unconditionally, has kept himself for me, a man who has worn out the carpet on his knees interceding for his family. Thank you Father for fulfilling the dreams of my heart in this man, Mark Dougharty, the man You had just for me!
“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong, and let your heart take courage.” Psalm 27:13, 14
“Momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond comparison.” II Corinthians 4:17
“Therefore, brethren, seek out from among you seven men of good reputation, full of the Holy Spirit and wisdom, whom we may appoint over this business; but we will give ourselves continually to prayer and to the ministry of the word.” Acts 6:3-4
dianne