I have often heard people who are suffering or in the midst of incredibly difficult circumstances say, “When I get to heaven, the first thing I am going to ask God is why He made me suffer? Over these past six weeks since losing Mark, not once have I envisioned him standing before God asking why God allowed him to suffer with Multiple Systems Atrophy for eleven years. When he left this earth at 10:40 p.m. on July 31, 2018, he was immediately in the presence of God, undoubtedly on his knees. Why? Because early on in the journey God asked him to walk, he surrendered. When we are completely and unselfishly surrendered to God’s will for us and have willingly laid down our hopes and dreams then we can surrender to God’s plan and divine purpose for our lives.
Is the road of surrender an easy one to walk? No! At first, do we ask Why? Yes! We are human, and God knows because He created us. In the beginning days of this journey, I remember Mark telling me that he was trying to accept Multiple Systems Atrophy as a gift from God. He wanted to come to the place of embracing the disease as a gift. When we receive a gift, we anxiously anticipate the enjoyment and pleasure we will gain from receiving it—which he was wanting to experience in God’s gift to him of Multiple Systems Atrophy.
I have discovered, in the end, the why does not matter. We were never promised a wonderful, pain-free life. That is man’s idea of living—not God’s. A wonderful, pain-free life accomplishes very little. In the end, you may have acquired things, but you will leave all that behind. Your wonderful, pain-free life will disappear like the ripple in a pond leaving very little behind, if anything. Surrender brings about bountiful rewards while living on this earth, and in heaven when you enter God’s presence.
During the last four days of Mark’s life, our family witnessed numerous people who came to tell him of the impact his life, especially the past eleven years, had on their lives, their marriages, and their walk with Christ. Now, those are the bountiful rewards of surrender! Those visits will forever be etched on our minds and in our hearts.
Years ago, I gave up asking Why? I have followed Mark’s example of surrendering to what God was asking of us. As a result, I reaped the bountiful blessing of caring for the sweetest man this side of heaven. How blessed I am!
In this “new normal,” as Mark used to call all of our changes over these eleven years, I am not asking why God took Mark. I am rejoicing in knowing that he is healed and no longer suffering. I am seeing my “new normal” as an adventure of watching God do in my life what only He can do—provide financially, physically, and emotionally.
My paraphrase of Jeremiah 29:11 is: For I, the Almighty God, Creator of heaven and earth, know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you, to give you a future, and a hope. Plans to bring about bountiful blessings through heartache, trial, pain, and suffering. Why? Because I love you so much.
Accept the gift!
dianne