A Journey with Jay

 

Picture with me Jesus standing up with a loud voice saying to you, “If you are thirsty come to me and drink.” John 7:37-39

The Greek wording for this actually means that Jesus stood up and cried that out with a loud voice.

In the spiritual sense of the word, I am a thirsty woman. I imagine you, too, are thirsty like that.

 

Unable to sleep last night, I snuck out of bed and went to find some spiritual water. I was thirsty as I opened the Bible

to Isaiah 58:11b, and read, “The Lord will guide you always, He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land…”

We are all thirsty if we are honest with ourselves. We each look to different things to quench our thirst.

Personally, I have found God’s word to be true when it promises that He will quench my thirst.

 

I am writing to tell you how Jesus Christ’s living waters have satisfied this weary mother’s heart, again and

again, in personal sun-scorched places. Maybe you are sitting there thinking,

“What am I doing wasting my time reading this blog when my ‘to do’ list is a mile long?”

Hopefully, this will be a drink of water for you.

 

Psalm 145:16

“The Lord opens His hand and satisfies the desires of every living thing.”

 

You see, I desired a big family. Let’s say I was always ‘thirsty’ for it. Hamp and I were married and 4 years to the

day our daughter Clare was born. Our son, Drew, followed 17 months later. Hamp and I were enjoying parenting

and excited about our next baby and who he or she might become or what he would be like.

We had our two beautiful healthy children, who were 4 ½  and 3 when our third child, Jay, was born.

 

 So…..?

How do I even begin to put into words what it is like to give birth to a special needs baby when you were

expecting all your children to be healthy. At the moment, our baby boy was born the room went silent.

With the birth of our first two children, there had been an immediate celebration. This, however, was different.

 

The grief and shock were fierce.

The support of our family and friends was faithful.

The medical care of doctors and nurses was excellent,

but Jay was born with Spina Bifida.

He would have many special needs…

He was physically disabled.

He was broken.

But he was not broken in the eyes and mind of God.

                   And we would find that out on this journey in oh so many ways.

 

What can I say that will encourage another person behind me in this journey?

I have much to say, and much I want to write about.

So much I want to write before I get too old and senile to remember. It is coming, Lord willin’.

Jay was too special to not be written about.

 

………But oh, if I could just kiss his face one more time, even smell him….

If I could just run my fingers through his curly brown hair.

I remember running my finger down his shunt, from the top right of his head down behind his right ear and

onto his neck, tracing it with my finger day after day when he was in my arms, and

I was talking to the LORD.

 

“This was no accident, Lord. RIGHT?”

Jay’s days were ordained when as yet there was not a single day. Psalm 139

“You were not looking the other way, Lord, when he was ‘perfectly’ formed in my womb, were You? He was ‘perfectly’ formed for YOUR purposes, right, LORD????”

As if I was trying to convince myself of God’s truth being true in my experience

as well as in my heart and head. “Oh Lord, You did give us what You promised

in those first few sad hours and for the next 14 years, through 28 surgeries,

till you took him HOME to be with You. And even up to this very day without him.”

 

In moments when we didn’t have the strength to imagine telling our children about their baby brother, Hamp went home

to the back porch steps and gathered them on his lap to share with them the news that their baby brother’s legs

would not work like theirs did – that Jay may never be able to walk. Drew’s 3 year old response was, “Dad that is okay, I can

pull him in the wagon behind my 3-wheeler.” Clare, a few weeks later, vowed in her 4 year old heart,

 “I will help keep this family together.”

 

You then blessed us with another son, Sam, when we were told not to have any more children.

What a blessing he was to all of us, especially to Jay. You said that you would be sufficient for us, and You were.

You said that you would satisfy my thirsty, needy heart and You did. And you continue to throughout my days,

no matter the thirst.

I must stop here and say “Thank you, Almighty All-knowing One.”

He blessed us with our Jay. We would never have chosen this. Never thought we could have handled it,

And yet He carried us through it all. All that we needed those almost 14 years— He gave us… Himself.

Through us, Lord, You lived. Within us… Your almighty power, wisdom, and humor filled us.

Thank you for choosing us to walk this journey with our son named Jay.

 

Jay Hatchett Holcomb

6-18-86 to 6-15-99

“Jay’s Journey”

And as he says himself in a video about his short life,

“I did it, man!”

Nancy Holcomb

 

You can read more about Nancy Holcomb and find more of her blog here at toofewjars.com or you can watch Jay’s Story Here