It’s that time of year when every weekend is booked with Christmas festivities and parties. We find ourselves invited to all types of parties such as- potlucks, formal, informal, drop-in, gift wrapping, luncheons, and even a cookie swap. Often all types of women are invited. Recently I had a party; it was quite different from the ones offered at this time of the year. It was really inexpensive, no invitations required and no food- in fact I didn’t even need guests! It was my very own pity party.
Have you ever had a pity party and found that you were the only one attending? It’s a funny thing, but no one wants to come to your pity party and what’s a party without people? In Webster’s dictionary the definition of the word party is a group of persons who gathered for pleasure or entertainment. So, that being the definition, how did it ever get the title of a pity party? Let’s face it, when pity is involved, there’s no gathering of people, no pleasure, and no entertainment- pity is a lonely thing.
Last Saturday was a beautiful fall day, unusually warm for this time of year. It was a day I should’ve been celebrating and enjoying, but instead, I found myself plummeting into a pit of despair, feeling more, and more, sorry for myself. I decided to go for a walk and as I was walking, I began to moan and groan to the Lord about my life, my situation, which seems like anything, but a party! I told Him that everyone else’s life is great; they don’t have to deal with what I am dealing with. They are at the pinnacle of life; everything is bliss for all my friends and family. So, why did I get picked on to have to carry this load? Whine, whine, whine!
All of a sudden, God crashed my pity party, “Dianne, so you want to go back to your old life. Is that it?” My response to Him was, “Not completely, just some of it! I want my husband’s health back and I miss having a regular income. I don’t have to have the house that was in the “right” part of town or the position on the church staff.” I’m sure the Lord was glad to hear that I didn’t have to have it all back in order to be happy! I proceeded, “I’m very grateful for all You’ve taught me along this journey. I wouldn’t trade where I am spiritually and what I know of You today, for where I was back then! I don’t want to go back to being that person.”
God said, “Stop right here and now! You cannot have it both ways! Without the hardship you would not be the woman you have become in Me. You would not know Me the way you know Me now. What I want from you is for you to trust Me. Will you trust Me?”
There I was having a pity party, whining about my life, and whining about how good the rest of the world has it compared to me, wanting to go back for some but not all of what I had. I began to realize that there’s no going back. God doesn’t deal in taking us backward, but forward. He desires to use all that He has allowed in our lives- the good and the bad- the easy and the hard- to mold us and shape us into the children He desires for us to be.
I was reading this morning, four days after my pity party, in Acts 13:18, where Paul is recounting the history of the Jewish people and their forty years of wandering in the wilderness. Speaking of God it says, “For a period of forty years He put up with them in the wilderness.”
I felt a sudden piercing in my heart. “Father, you have put up with me these five years. You put up with me last Saturday. I don’t understand why You do, accept that only You can see what I will be and not what I am. Forgive me for throwing a pity party for myself! Thank you for loving me and not giving up on me. I trust you Father, because I know You can be trusted. Thank you that your word tells us there are treasures in the midst of darkness! Oh Father, how gracious and patient You are! “
“I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden wealth of secret places; in order that you may know that it is I the Lord, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name.” Isaiah 45:3
Dianne