It was far from perfect. Growing up there, it was years before I realized that “perfect” is downright impossible. The years have been a foe, in that it has taken too many of them to bring me to the place where I treasure what I had. Why is it, that as children, we see only what we do not like and the boundaries that confine us? We see the walls as prisons, the siblings as nuisances, and the parents as ignorant fools, especially when we approach our teen years.
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years” (Mark Twain).
Home–mine was far from perfect, but it was my home. My family, they were far from perfect, but they are my family! We have had our ups and downs over the years. At times, I would have defined us as dysfunctional, but then what family does not have some “dysfunction?” Merriam Webster’s Dictionary defines the word as “the condition of having poor and unhealthy behaviors and attitudes within a group of people.” Now, according to the definition, isn’t your family dysfunctional as well? My brother and I fought like cats and dogs, we were thirteen months apart, and I knew how to push his buttons. As children growing up, he and I often had poor and unhealthy behavior toward one another; like the time he got angry and threatened me with a knife. I shared a room with my older sister and in doing so our differences became glaringly obvious. Talk about poor and unhealthy attitudes–two teenage girls in one bedroom!
“You certainly didn’t ask for them, and you can’t trade them, but out of the billions of human beings on our planet, they’re the ones who know you best. They’re the ones who cherish you, and whom you should cherish in return – whether they’re your biological family or otherwise.Even though it’s easy to forget at times, family is the most important thing in the world. This could mean your mother, your father, your siblings, your spouse, your grandparents, your aunts, your uncles, your cousins, your in-laws – but for some, it’s simply those with whom we share unconditional love” (www.keepinspiring.me.com).
Into our young adult years, my sister and I allowed misunderstandings, jealousy, pettiness, distance and immaturity to separate us. Most were really small things; sores we enabled to fester that quickly became deep wounds. After several years the chasm between us was beginning to resemble the Grand Canyon. Finally, I approached her and asked if we could talk. I was tired of having a sister, but no sisterly relationship.
“Of course, families are complicated – these deep relationships can carry lots of baggage and hurt as well. Given their complexity and importance in our loves, it’s no wonder that throughout the course of history, people from all walks of life have pondered the complexities and conundrums of familial love” (www.keepinspiring.me.com).
Forgiveness was exchanged and we were able to begin to mend the hurts from years gone by and start over building the relationship we desired to have with one another. My brother and I have not fought for years; I believe he has long outgrown threatening others with knives. My dad is now deceased and only my mom remains, as well as my three siblings. Years and the difficulties of life, as well as maturity, have a way of mending wounds in relationships and drawing you together as a family once again.
“Family is not an important thing, it’s everything” Michael J. Fox).