I was at the gym working out. I decided to use a machine with television access. Normally, I lose myself in worship music on my i-phone, but today I wanted to watch HGTV. I climbed on the machine, plugged up my earphones and pushed the T.V. button, then proceeded to HGTV. The program was “Love It or List It.” As I watched, the featured couple was looking to make their current home livable or find a new one that fit their needs. The male realtor was trying very hard to find a new home that met all their family needs, and the designer was trying to make their current home livable and suitable to their family.
I watched as they looked at house after house; then I heard the following words coming from the wife’s mouth: I was so astounded I almost fell off my machine! “We need to make Chloe happy. Don’t you want to make Chloe happy? Chloe needs her own space; she needs a place where she is comfortable. Chloe will not like this room. Chloe needs her own private bath. She won’t be happy if we don’t give her a bathroom of her own.”
At first, I thought perhaps Chloe was their dog, until they got to the line about Chloe needing her own bathroom. Then I discovered that Chloe was their young teenage daughter. I was dumbfounded! Happy? Since when is it the parents job to make a child happy? Since when do parents give children everything they want in order to make their lives easy? Since when do kids need a private bathroom? What do they mean her “own” space? Since when do we give teenagers their “own” private space? Yes, they need privacy as they grow and mature, but not separation. Talk about a time when you need to keep them close in order to keep an eye on them!
I was saddened at this couple’s approach to parenting. As I peddled, I thought it’s no wonder many children these days show little appreciation for the things they have. They don’t seem to be grateful for all that is done for them, and they show no respect for authority; many are stingy and self-centered. I have observed several situations where it is obvious that the child is in charge and not the parent; many parents are afraid of their own children. We are raising children who think life is all about “me.”
When I was growing up, children were children; parents were parents and the absolute authority within the home. My siblings and I showed respect or paid the consequences. We were grateful for what we had and expressed our thankfulness to our parents. We were expected to take care of our belongings. We were disciplined when we did wrong. At the dinner table we used our manners. I shared a bedroom with my brother and sister until I was in the fifth grade, shared a basement with them until seventh grade, and then shared a bedroom with my older sister until I married. I never had a space or a bathroom of my “own.”
In looking back, my parents took their job of raising their four children seriously. They had high expectations for us and we would live up to them; they saw to it. My parents made sure that they raised responsible, hard working children. They taught us to be considerate and respectful of others. They taught us manners and expected us to carry out our responsibilities within the family.
Dr. James Dobson says that a parent’s job is to work themselves out of a job. In teaching a child to blow his own nose, tie his own shoes, be responsible for his own school work, clean his own room, drive a car and get to work on time, we are releasing them to be reliable adults. God expects parents to raise godly, responsible, grateful, hard working, and thoughtful adults; not spoiled, lazy, ungrateful, self-centered adults.
Remember, you as the parent are the absolute authority in your child’s life. He will learn from you how to respect those in authority and thus develop a reverent fear of those over him. I have heard it said that a child’s view of God is directly related to their view of their parents. A child should respect their parents and all authority figures, thus having a deep respect for God, who is the ultimate authority. They need to have a reverent fear of you, as the parent, and ultimately for God as their heavenly parent.
God’s expectations for us and for our complete obedience to Him are high. Your expectations of your children and their obedience to you and the authorities in their lives should be just as high; from an early age you need to set that precedence. You are the parent and they are the child, you are to raise them according to God’s standards, not the worlds and not theirs!
The “Be” of Parenting:
Be Christ-like
Be loving in your actions and your words- tell them you love them!
Be kind
Be patient
Be willing to admit when you are wrong and apologize
Be forgiving
Be the disciplinarian
Be gentle, yet firm when disciplining
Be controlled when disciplining
Be without anger and hatred in your tone of voice
Be in charge
Be non-condemning
Be a good listener
Be a “memory maker”- plan fun family times they will always remember
Be in tune with your child- know what they like and what gets them excited
Be an example they desire to follow
Be one who embraces- hug them a lot!
Be consistent
Be fun
Be the parent!
Father, you are the ultimate authority over all creation. You are the parent of all parents! I am grateful that the standards you set for us as your children is high and that You have shown us how to effectively parent our children. Help me not to abandon my responsibility to raise Christ honoring, authority submitted, responsible, respectful adults. Help me to be consistent in my walk with You, knowing that You are the source of all I need to be the best parent I can be for Your glory and their good!
“Children obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.” Colossians 3:20
“He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” Proverbs 13:24
dianne